Sunday, January 15, 2012

two months

two months ago i was in the midst of my first night shift on my own.

i've never experienced anxiety like what i felt preparing to go in to work that night.

my heart beating a million miles a minute, palms sweating, eyes twitching, i went and faced my fears.

faced my fear that i might make a mistake that hurt, or worse, killed someone.

faced my fear that people might not trust me or think i'm a bad nurse.

i can't believe it's been two months.

it feels like an eternity and just yesterday all at the same time.

i can't believe how much i've learned, and how much i still don't know.

i can't believe how many patients i've cared for, and had impact on, whether good or bad, in just two months.

this job has forced me to face so many of my fears.

fear of failure.

fear of mans' opinion.

mistakes are inevitable.

i've made more in the last two months than i can count, some bigger than others.

some more anxiety producing than others.

but He is growing me.

through the anxiety, pain and hardship i pray i'm becoming more like Jesus.

i'm so thankful for God's faithfulness through these two months.

i'm thankful for peace in the midst of anxiety.

i'm thankful for strength to persevere and continue to step out in faith.

i'm thankful for the humility He is cultivating in me as i make mistakes and become increasingly aware of my shortcomings and dependence on Him. 

praise God from whom all blessings flow!


  1. you are kind of a nursing rockstar.
    for jesus.

    love seeing you grow through this new season of life.
    i am SO (and i mean SO SO SO) excited to see how the Lord uses this season to prepare you for the next.


    love you always.

  2. This is a super-late reply, but I am amazed at the job you do. I mean, I've had multiple jobs where if I do bad work, it could cost people their lives… in worst-case scenarios at a million removes from me. Your work is so much riskier and so much more hands-on. I have a great deal of respect for you (and for the record, I'd totally trust me life in your hands if it came to it. Not that I'm planning on things come to it).